Monday, 14 March 2016

Clearing My Head Space


I've had so many ideas for this post. I've written it and rewritten it a million times now and for some reason what I ended up writing just wasn't right.
The beginning of 2016 has been pretty awful if I'm honest. I lost the most amazing man in the world, my Grandad in January and since then everything has all been a blur. My mind has become a cloud of fog and however hard I try it's just not clearing. I can't shake the feeling that I'm losing control of myself and who I want to be. Everyone around me is moving on, living life and I find myself not wanting to catch up. I've never experienced loss before but I know I didn't expect to feel like this. My family are the most incredible group of people I know, they're strong and if anything we've all got stronger through all of this. I know for sure the only reason I'm getting through everything is down to them.
With the cloud of fog it's like I'm suffocating. I can't find any motivation to write blog posts even though I've got 100 different ideas, it's making me lose interest in my job which before everything happened I absolutely loved and it's stopping me from wanting to catch up with everyone else who's moving on. I don't want to feel like this. I want to stop holding back and I want to run and catch up with my life. I want more than anything to run and catch up with everyone but for some reason I can't. That's what I'm trying to work out. I'm still going through life day by day but its a blur. It's like I'm not really there and its difficult.
I guess what I'm trying to say is bare with me. I guess I'm telling myself this by telling you. There's no rush, just because everyone I know is living life and trying new experiences doesn't mean I have to rush to. I can take my time and I'm going to. Loss isn't something you move past over night. That's something I've definitely learnt through all this. I've learnt that loss is something everyone learns to live with, its just everyone learns in their own time and for some reason it's taking me a little longer than I thought it would.
I know I'll get there one day, it's all about baby steps and baby steps sounds pretty good to me.
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2 comments

  1. You have put my grief into words, my mum battled cancer and pulled through thank god, but I completely shut off - it's a horrible feeling, I'm getting back on my feet now though, it is possible honey pie, just a long road ❤️ I have posts on the way about how I managed to get back on track - here is my current one, you may find it helps I don't know http://misskatief.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/how-alexis-ren-has-inspired-me.html?m=1
    I wish you all the best! You'll get there!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much lovely, I'll be sure to check it out xx

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