Saturday, 31 December 2016

Goodbye 2016

2016 was one of the hardest years of my life. It's been a year full of negatives and positives and frustratingly for the most part, the negatives outweigh the positives.  
Don't get me wrong, the positives are pretty special. I turned 18, celebrated with a weekend in London, started driving lessons, got a full time job which I love, got back into photography, found a new love in baking, made brand new friendships and made more memories with old ones.
However where there was a high, there as a low. When my Grandad passed away in January I was forced to grow up and deal with things that before I wouldn't of even thought were going to happen to me. It was a shock and something that came out of absolutely no where. He was one of the best people in the world. It's nearly a year he's been gone now and if I'm being honest I'm still struggling. It's got easier but I still haven't got my head around it and to be honest I don't think I ever will. I've never experienced loss before and I didn't expect it to feel like it did. Writing this post in March actually helped a lot because for the first time in 3 months I actually got everything I was feeling written down and out of my mind.
Losing my grandad shaped 2016 for me. The rest of the year was a blur. I held back so much because I just wasn't myself. All of my friends were moving on, living life and experiencing so many firsts like normal 18 year olds but I didn't want to do any of that. I felt silly that something that happened at the beginning of the year was still affecting me. However it did make me realise who my true friends are. Going through what I did made me realise that you can have a best friend, someone you talk to all the time, but as soon as shit gets real and you're the one in a bad place going through something more important than their recent boring boyfriend drama, they will disappear off the face of the earth with no care in the world. But you know what, why would I want that "I'll only talk if we can chat about my very insignificant relationship drama instead of your rock bottom struggles which I know you're going through" person in my life? I don't. After saying that though, if it wasn't for my family and true friends, I don't actually know where I would be right now. 
2017 will be better. I'm determined to go outside of my comfort zone a little more. Maybe I'll actually say "yes" to the invitation of a night out and maybe I'll go away more and not just live on the sofa on my days off work. I want to focus of myself and get myself back to me again. I feel like after what I've been through in the last year, I can just about get through anything now. Yes I probably will still have crappy days but thats all part of it and I've learnt how to deal with them.
I've set myself simple goals. I want to pass my driving test, continue with photography and baking and most importantly make sure there are more positives than negatives by the end of the year.
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